FAILIOR: LCD ORIGINS

The Origins of FAILIOR:

As the founder of the League, I feel it's time to unveil my beginnings in the field of Customer Dissatisfaction. In all honesty, I took pictures of all my first rejects in chronological order (yes, I'm that geeky). But when I tried to upload them today, my computer had a seizure, and a little less than half of the drawings evaporated, in no apparent order (?). Since I've already packed them all back up in storage, I'm not in the mood to do it all over again. So, this is an abbreviated history of Failior...

First Reject:
I think I went about 3-4 weeks before my first reject, amazingly, and this was it. I was so fascinated by it and self-critiqued it the rest of that day. All in all, looking back at it is strange because it's not all that bad. I remember that girl and the only thing I really messed up on was her eyes. At any rate, the family hated it, and convinced her that she hated it, too.

The really funny thing is that the rejects kept getting worse instead of better!

Oh, Lord... this is awful in every way:


This surfer girl reject hurt at the time... I thought I had done a great job. At least the mom was polite to me...

... unlike the dad of these kids:
He was a major dick, even though I was giving him a discount (it was like $10 for the whole thing or something).

From then on, my rejects weren't so epically horrible. Here's another sketch I did for a huge discount ($10), and they still rejected it because they thought I made the wife, "look like a man because I was giving them a discount."

If I was desperate to sell a picture, why would I purposefully make it bad? The woman was actually kind of fat, and I felt like I slimmed her down some. Whatever.

So, that's the tainted origins of FAILIOR, and some of my first rejects. Happy sketching!

GAP

Don't look directly into the hole! Believe it or not, this is actually a sketch of an adorable little girl. Rejectosaurus is a very sick and twisted individual, which makes him perfect for this blog!

The Affects of Aging

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Nautical Nonsence

Is that some new way of doing "the shocker"?

Ambidextrous?

Caption: "She was left-handed T_T".

So look at it through a mirror, betch.

Sucky Mom

I was there when Spiky drew this one. It was cute, the girl liked it a lot... but Mom had to be a bitch. Lame.

Party Hat

Here's Indiana Jones with his trusty rock.

His hat looks like a balloon sculpture.

Doktor Rejectosaurus

I hideous visage... the Doktor has shown his true face! Everyone in the League should draw themselves as their alter-ego and send it to me (you guys all have my email address). I'll make my own, too!

Ugly Mouth

Caption: "Her mouth is ugly. It's mean to draw somebody like that."

LOL@butthurtz

Patrick Meltdown

Professor Redraw has a story to go with this one, but it's not on hand at the moment. From what he told me, the kid in this drawing was on a major birthday high and threw a bit of a fit over this sketch.

"The Buildings are Crumbling..."

This guy and his wife and young son approach the stand and want one for the boy. The dad asks if I can draw him as Superman, and I go to work. As the drawing begins, I hear the wife asks the dad why he chose a Superman theme when the kid loves Spider-Man. In fact, the kid's room is Spider-man themed. The dad, who you could tell was a couple cards short of a deck, said he wanted Superman because that's what HE wanted. The wife says, "well, whatever..."

After I finish the drawing I bring it up to the stand and slide it in a frame and ask them if they wanted to frame it up. The dad asked questions about all the options, seeming interested in it, then walks back to his wife where they talk something over. When the dad comes back, he's asks, "is there going to be more detail?"
I ask him, "more detail... as in what, exactly?"
He answers, "well, I like the face but I thought the background would have, like, more detail, you know?" I ask him what sort of details he expected I was going to draw and he says, "well, I thought like there'd be a city and all the buildings are crumbling, and things are on fire and he looks really strong and he's saving the day."

I'm thinking, "uh... wut?", but I point to the pictures on the wall and tell him this is the level of detail that we put into the drawings, that they're basically 5-minute quick sketches.
He says, "yeah, I know, but I just thought that there would be more detail, like he's saving the day and the buildings are crumbling."

I swear this guy must have mentioned "and the buildings are crumbling" at least 10 times during our conversation. I tell him he didn't ask for any of these very specific things before I started, but if he wanted me to redraw it with a different background, I could do that for him. He says okay and begins to list off all the things he wanted in his kid's sketch: the people are running around screaming, the cars are crashing and on fire, lasers shooting, blah blah blah, Superman is saving the day and the fucking buildings are crumbling.

I tell this guy I don't think this is going to work out. I tell him he should probably just move on and enjoy the rest of his day at the park, and he's all, "oh, okay, sorry about that, man." This whole time his wife was rolling her as at him and looking a little frustrated. I mean, the kid didn't even like Superman.

Spongebob 3: The Apocalypse

There's not much to say except that this shit belongs in a museum. This is one of the most powerful rejects I've ever seen. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a case of EPIC BY DEFAULT. Luthor, you have made the League proud!

Violence

So this Filipino woman comes up to me to get her daughter's drawing done. I see more incentive in the daughter wanting it, the mother was simply ok with it. I do the drawing, I like it. I tear it off, and clearly before the mother even has enough time to really evaluate she gives me this over-the-top grimace.

The mother doesn't like it. I ask why.
She says "The nose." Big mistake. I did not beast that, she just had a short puffy Filipino nose, and I say "What? A cute button nose? How could you dislike that?"

She says "Oh, it's the eyes." I say "Well, it seems like you aren't too keen on mild exaggeration, I don't suggest wasting your time on a caricature again, I doubt you'll have an easy time finding one you like." She walks up to the rest of her family.

Pissed off, I go to lunch; an hour as it was still summer hours. As I return to the Castle area, I see a few cop cars. Interesting. As it turns out, a man who got angry about his kid not being able to ride [Joust]. He punched the ride attendant, who then proceeded to calmly call security, as it was a pansy punch. He then lept onto one of the horses and proclaimed "I am clearly over 130 pounds, and it's not breaking!" A woman in line calmly asked the man to stop creating a scene. The man gets off the horse, walks up to the woman and "attempts to knock her hat off." He hit her in the face in the process. The woman slapped him harder than he punched the ride attendant. At this point the people in line were very angry at him, many wives were holding back their husbands from beating the crap out of him. He then runs deeper into the ride and hops the fence near the entrance to the Barbecue. The security at that point were looking for him. It all caught up with him and no charges were pressed seeing as how no real damage was done.

I thought this man looked oddly familiar. My suspicions were confirmed by one of the Body Artists that went behind Castle, as it turns out, this guy was one of the people on the bench that the lady that rejected my drawing was with. She and her daughter were back there with him and the cops. I guess her day ended up a lot worse than mine.

Likeness Police

Caption: "His eyebrows were strait. It doesn't look like him because of that."

Got braces?