WE ARE FAILIOR AND THE LEAGUE OF CUSTOMER DISSATISFACTION

Spongebob 4: Spongebob And Patrick Do America

2010-01-27T17:46:00.000-08:00

Troll "Two"

2010-01-27T17:45:00.000-08:00

Trick or Treat

2009-12-09T11:45:00.000-08:00

This is a recent one. It was on Halloween. Sorry, Prime.

Staring into your soul...

2009-12-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

Here's what I believe to be a TRIPLE reject from Krazy Kravist. Did they all have lobotomies?

Why are you looking at me like that?
Stop it...

o_o

Abortion

2009-12-09T11:26:00.001-08:00

This didn't get very far...

FAILIOR: LCD ORIGINS

2009-10-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

The Origins of FAILIOR:

As the founder of the League, I feel it's time to unveil my beginnings in the field of Customer Dissatisfaction. In all honesty, I took pictures of all my first rejects in chronological order (yes, I'm that geeky). But when I tried to upload them today, my computer had a seizure, and a little less than half of the drawings evaporated, in no apparent order (?). Since I've already packed them all back up in storage, I'm not in the mood to do it all over again. So, this is an abbreviated history of Failior...

First Reject:
I think I went about 3-4 weeks before my first reject, amazingly, and this was it. I was so fascinated by it and self-critiqued it the rest of that day. All in all, looking back at it is strange because it's not all that bad. I remember that girl and the only thing I really messed up on was her eyes. At any rate, the family hated it, and convinced her that she hated it, too.

The really funny thing is that the rejects kept getting worse instead of better!

Oh, Lord... this is awful in every way:

This surfer girl reject hurt at the time... I thought I had done a great job. At least the mom was polite to me...

... unlike the dad of these kids:
He was a major dick, even though I was giving him a discount (it was like $10 for the whole thing or something).

From then on, my rejects weren't so epically horrible. Here's another sketch I did for a huge discount ($10), and they still rejected it because they thought I made the wife, "look like a man because I was giving them a discount."

If I was desperate to sell a picture, why would I purposefully make it bad? The woman was actually kind of fat, and I felt like I slimmed her down some. Whatever.

So, that's the tainted origins of FAILIOR, and some of my first rejects. Happy sketching!

GAP

2009-10-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

Don't look directly into the hole! Believe it or not, this is actually a sketch of an adorable little girl. Rejectosaurus is a very sick and twisted individual, which makes him perfect for this blog!

The Affects of Aging

2009-10-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Nautical Nonsence

2009-10-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

Is that some new way of doing "the shocker"?

Ambidextrous?

2009-09-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

Caption: "She was left-handed T_T".

So look at it through a mirror, betch.

Sucky Mom

2009-09-29T12:58:00.000-07:00

I was there when Spiky drew this one. It was cute, the girl liked it a lot... but Mom had to be a bitch. Lame.

Party Hat

2009-09-29T12:48:00.000-07:00

Here's Indiana Jones with his trusty rock.

His hat looks like a balloon sculpture.

Doktor Rejectosaurus

2009-09-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

I hideous visage... the Doktor has shown his true face! Everyone in the League should draw themselves as their alter-ego and send it to me (you guys all have my email address). I'll make my own, too!

Ugly Mouth

2009-09-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

Caption: "Her mouth is ugly. It's mean to draw somebody like that."

LOL@butthurtz

Patrick Meltdown

2009-09-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

Professor Redraw has a story to go with this one, but it's not on hand at the moment. From what he told me, the kid in this drawing was on a major birthday high and threw a bit of a fit over this sketch.

"The Buildings are Crumbling..."

2009-09-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

This guy and his wife and young son approach the stand and want one for the boy. The dad asks if I can draw him as Superman, and I go to work. As the drawing begins, I hear the wife asks the dad why he chose a Superman theme when the kid loves Spider-Man. In fact, the kid's room is Spider-man themed. The dad, who you could tell was a couple cards short of a deck, said he wanted Superman because that's what HE wanted. The wife says, "well, whatever..."

After I finish the drawing I bring it up to the stand and slide it in a frame and ask them if they wanted to frame it up. The dad asked questions about all the options, seeming interested in it, then walks back to his wife where they talk something over. When the dad comes back, he's asks, "is there going to be more detail?"
I ask him, "more detail... as in what, exactly?"
He answers, "well, I like the face but I thought the background would have, like, more detail, you know?" I ask him what sort of details he expected I was going to draw and he says, "well, I thought like there'd be a city and all the buildings are crumbling, and things are on fire and he looks really strong and he's saving the day."

I'm thinking, "uh... wut?", but I point to the pictures on the wall and tell him this is the level of detail that we put into the drawings, that they're basically 5-minute quick sketches.
He says, "yeah, I know, but I just thought that there would be more detail, like he's saving the day and the buildings are crumbling."

I swear this guy must have mentioned "and the buildings are crumbling" at least 10 times during our conversation. I tell him he didn't ask for any of these very specific things before I started, but if he wanted me to redraw it with a different background, I could do that for him. He says okay and begins to list off all the things he wanted in his kid's sketch: the people are running around screaming, the cars are crashing and on fire, lasers shooting, blah blah blah, Superman is saving the day and the fucking buildings are crumbling.

I tell this guy I don't think this is going to work out. I tell him he should probably just move on and enjoy the rest of his day at the park, and he's all, "oh, okay, sorry about that, man." This whole time his wife was rolling her as at him and looking a little frustrated. I mean, the kid didn't even like Superman.

Spongebob 3: The Apocalypse

2009-09-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

There's not much to say except that this shit belongs in a museum. This is one of the most powerful rejects I've ever seen. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a case of EPIC BY DEFAULT. Luthor, you have made the League proud!

Violence

2009-09-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

So this Filipino woman comes up to me to get her daughter's drawing done. I see more incentive in the daughter wanting it, the mother was simply ok with it. I do the drawing, I like it. I tear it off, and clearly before the mother even has enough time to really evaluate she gives me this over-the-top grimace.

The mother doesn't like it. I ask why.
She says "The nose." Big mistake. I did not beast that, she just had a short puffy Filipino nose, and I say "What? A cute button nose? How could you dislike that?"

She says "Oh, it's the eyes." I say "Well, it seems like you aren't too keen on mild exaggeration, I don't suggest wasting your time on a caricature again, I doubt you'll have an easy time finding one you like." She walks up to the rest of her family.

Pissed off, I go to lunch; an hour as it was still summer hours. As I return to the Castle area, I see a few cop cars. Interesting. As it turns out, a man who got angry about his kid not being able to ride [Joust]. He punched the ride attendant, who then proceeded to calmly call security, as it was a pansy punch. He then lept onto one of the horses and proclaimed "I am clearly over 130 pounds, and it's not breaking!" A woman in line calmly asked the man to stop creating a scene. The man gets off the horse, walks up to the woman and "attempts to knock her hat off." He hit her in the face in the process. The woman slapped him harder than he punched the ride attendant. At this point the people in line were very angry at him, many wives were holding back their husbands from beating the crap out of him. He then runs deeper into the ride and hops the fence near the entrance to the Barbecue. The security at that point were looking for him. It all caught up with him and no charges were pressed seeing as how no real damage was done.

I thought this man looked oddly familiar. My suspicions were confirmed by one of the Body Artists that went behind Castle, as it turns out, this guy was one of the people on the bench that the lady that rejected my drawing was with. She and her daughter were back there with him and the cops. I guess her day ended up a lot worse than mine.

Likeness Police

2009-09-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

Caption: "His eyebrows were strait. It doesn't look like him because of that."

Got braces?

2009-09-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

Lady-like

2009-09-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

That's a very lady-like way to sit while Mario Karting. There's even a turtle shell shooting out of there!

Surrealism: Episode 2

2009-08-29T00:49:00.000-07:00

Caption: "Can you draw him driving the car?"

Flattering

2009-08-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

It's not very.

Spongebob 2: The Reckoning

2009-08-28T00:17:00.000-07:00

These Spongebob caricatures... they're really strange. It's seems like only someone with a really great sense of humor would even consider getting one of these done. And for the most part, it's true, but when it isn't... the drama shoots out the roof.

This seemingly jolly, plump mother with her super cute daughter approaches my stand wanting one of our extra-deluxe Spongebob and Patrick caricatures. As always, I make super sure that they are asking for the "full-transformation" style and the mom says yes and tells me all about how much she and her daughter LOVE Spongebob. She made it sound like it's the only reason that they even live, so I was pretty stoked to give them a good job. The mom wanted to be Patrick and her daughter would be Spongebob. But something funny happened halfway through the drawing... something I picked-up on like Spidy-sense. The mom, without even having seen the drawing, suddenly decided that she wasn't going to like it. It's hard to say why, everyone was having a great time. Yet there was a sudden and drastic change in atmosphere that I knew spelled trouble.

I tear the drawing off and she, like I predicted, hated it. She was, in fact, absolutely insulted. She told me she could never hang this drawing up in her home, that I had drawn her like she was fat. At that point, with the risk of being rude to her, I told her that I drew exactly what she asked for. She, a complete stranger to me, who IS fat, asked me to draw her as a FAT cartoon character. She ended up just walking away from the situation, her daughter obviously confused as hell. The customers that were waiting next in line looked at me and said, 'we're not going to be like those people!"

Enter the Penguin

2009-08-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

Have a cigar.

Baby + Bunny

2009-08-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

... It was a day like any other...me and Dr. Failior were up to no good defiling peoples precious faces into hideousness,...when out of nowhere a middle aged woman all by herself approached me, she was interested in having an art piece made to display in a little shop she was wanting to start, she wanted to convey the concept baby and bunny in the same drawing so I suggested a "baby bunny", but she needed a product she sold in it so I drew a baby bunny in a "baby basket" with her standing over it, soo...half way through she looks at it and says weeelll it looks like ME...and I said "yes it does" and she said well I don't want it to look like me I want it to look like someone else, so she asked me to draw some pig tales on her......and when its done she says oh I don't think my credit card will work can you run it tomorrow...and I told her we cant really do that, so she said just run it and see if it works..didn't work, so she said she would like the drawing but she will come back for it later and pay for it... and she never did.

Surrealism: Episode 1

2009-08-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

Why do customers even ask for things like this? It doesn't take a lot of imagination, just a little common sense, to figure that asking to be drawn as a black Indiana Jones in Lego form is going to turn out maybe just a little surreal.

Fusion

2009-08-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

Body Swappers

2009-08-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Recent reject by Spiky. Spiky says they claimed it didn't look like them and had it redrawn by somebody else... with different bodies. This is a very suspect behavior seen in customers.

Nostrils

2009-08-20T23:52:00.000-07:00

The Doktor is IN... Doktor Rejectosaurus that is. This newcomer has certainly crushed the funk out of some faces this summer. Hell, this one's actually relatively cute by the Doktor's standards:

She looked me in the eye and said, "This is unacceptable."
"I draw what I see," I told her.
"Yeah but come on, when I look at her all I see are her nostrils."
Then she went over to the other artist I was with and asked him, "What do you think about it?"
"Uuh, yeah, you kind of made the nostrils big dude," he said.
"See!"
Then I said, "Ok, so do you want me to redraw it for you?"
"Could you?" she asked. So I redrew it, sans gaping holes.

http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/6871/caricature3july82009cop.jpg

Spongebob

2009-08-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

Welcome. This is the inaugural post of FAILIOR AND THE LEAGUE OF CUSTOMER DISSATISFACTION. I am your host, Failior. Here at the LCD, you can expect to witness only the most rejectable theme park caricatures created by the many agents active in our organization. And our roster is growing. This blog will be updated frequently, chronicling our MANY successes. As the blog grows, the names of the various agents of LCD will appear in a column to the right, allowing for easy access to all of their rejects.

So, I drew this sketch here. This was truly an epic reject. I'm drawing this kid as Spongebob and I get this point in the drawing and the kid's dad stops me. He says to the kid, "you'd better come take a look at this." The kid gets up from his chair to come around and look at the drawing and the dad asks him, "so, what don't you like about this drawing?". Now, keep in mind that the kid hasn't even seen the picture until that point. The kid says he doesn't like the eyes, that they're slanty. This seems to perplex the dad, who says he had a different issue with it. So I ask him what was his issue with it and he snaps incredulously, "well, I can't say what it is now or HE'LL know!"

The kid starts pleading his dad, "WHAT'S YOUR ISSUE?! WHAT'S YOUR ISSUE?!" until the dad finally caves in and says it was freckles. Then the kid turns to critique the drawing again and decides that, yes, the freckles definitely are a problem. So, I begin telling them what their options are as far as having it redrawn and both of them were so stubborn and self-conscience about the whole thing that I gave up and handed them off to another artist. What I just don't get is how the dad can ask his kid why he doesn't like a picture he hasn't even seen. Really, the dad probably had it in his mind that he wasn't paying for a picture of his son's face on a Spongebob and started projecting that on the kid. But if he didn't want a picture like that, why did he let his kid pick the Spongebob body in the first place? Why go through this silliness about freckles and slanting eyes, making your kid feel insecure about how he actually looks?

Who knows?